Is it just my impression, or have we become more divisive recently? I know we didn’t used to agree over every aspect of things, but there is vitriol in the arguments that did not used to be there. In fact, the arguments or discussions are all but devoid of facts or evidence and mostly are simply an exchange of sound bites and insults. We can’t argue logically in the way that reasonable people might whose minds are open to changing their opinions. We can’t even agree to disagree. Why have we got ourselves into this situation? And what are the consequences?

I think I want to start by blaming social media. It’s not that I’m a luddite; I use and like social media as much as the next person. But being able to be both anonymous and distant from the person who you are disagreeing with (and insulting) certainly fuels the fire. As we all tell each other several times a week, people wouldn’t say that to someone they disagreed with in the pub, unless they wanted the night to end in a brawl. The other striking issue is that we wrap ourselves up in the cottonwool of groups with the same beliefs. Our friends on Facebook are likely to think like us, we only follow those on Twitter or Instagram who don’t offend us, and so we reinforce our own ideas without questioning them. In the past, and I’m thinking of my own past here, we had to spend our time with an odd assortment of people, those we happened to come across at school or work. Views tended to differ, and we somehow learned to accept that ours wasn’t the only way of thinking. We may have to do that still, to some extent, but it is easier now to create virtual communities rather than physical ones, and we often choose to live in a comfortingly reaffirming one. Even as we listen to those we disagree with, as we all know, we gather the information which proves our point, or mould the information to make sure it fits our narrative.

It is an age of crises. We are at the brink of ruining the planet for ever and irreversibly. Globally we are all struggling through the most horrific health crisis seen in our lifetimes, and we, in this country, are on the brink of separating ourselves off from our European neighbours. It is an age of division. In addition to these, the terrible difficulties we face in our own lives, from illness and bereavement, to financial insecurity and unemployment, inspire in us a fear and panic which translates into vehemence in our discourse which moves from passion to hate and alienation. Our divisions are not simply political, although everything is political in the end. We are divided in our race, our religion, our class, our gender, our age. People who agree on 90% of their ideas, are issuing death threats and hate-filled diatribes to each other, instead of trying to see the others’ points of view, aiming to convince them or opening their minds to be convinced. At the bottom of all of this is a petty, mean-spirited view of others which is catching. It moves from a feeling of superiority to a sense of being right, then on through to an objectification of the person and things disagreed with.

What that means is that instead of feeling disinclined to berate others, or feeling guilty if we have, we can easily forget that they are people like us. They have feelings, are vulnerable, are in every way our mirror. Not only does this hurt and further alienate those people we attack, but it does something to us too.

I think that our actions shape our character. Moral philosophers throughout history will have good and thorough arguments about why this may or may not be so. But, just now, until someone convinces me otherwise, I believe that every bad thing we do, and every good one, has an effect on who we are. Not only do negative consequences have negative effects (as positive consequences have positive ones) whatever our original intentions were, but hurting others not only has an effect on them, but also on us. It makes us more likely to hate those we have hurt. It makes hurting easier next time. It twists us inside a little more, until the cruel taunts and nasty thoughts become natural and normal to us, rather than the occasional result of pressure, stress and fear. We no longer see them as morally repugnant, but instead as something everyone does.

What I have struggled more and more with this year, is watching people I revere go down this path. Their ideas may be correct, they may be right in their views, but that is no excuse for the nastiness, the cruelty, the disregard for the humanity of those they attack. We have long used the argument, if he does it, it must be wrong. If she does it, it must be right. But this was never sound logic. Indeed, we weaken the strength of our arguments, the more cruel and divisive we are.

The last thing to consider, after having thought about why we can’t agree, and what are the consequences, is what we should do about it. We can already see that the consequences of this phenomenon are disastrous, both globally and personally. Nothing is changed, no one is moved from their position; all that happens is we all become slightly worse as people and more and more likely to do similar and worse things in the future.

The truth is, I don’t know how to change, except by not engaging in it. I refuse to condemn people, in groups or individually. I refuse to hate and to spread that hatred. I will try, instead, to understand the other point of view. If I need a resolution this year, that can be the one to focus on. Will you join me?